The Fox and I is an unusual and fascinating look into the mind and heart of a woman who has experienced little in the way of positive human connection yet finds meaning in her world of academia and by surrounding herself by nature which she observes to the point of obsession. I have been swept away and captivated by this woman’s inner world. Raven’s story of neglectful parents who wanted nothing to do with her, her love of nature, her extensive academic study and the multitude of reflections about all was simply breathtaking. Few books have left such a warmth in me. I laughed till I cried when she spoke of her enlarged frenum. So many descriptions of wildlife left me laughing out loud. I want to meet this woman. I want to hear if she talks the way she writes because the way she writes is so beautifully untethered, like a young foal frolicking all over a field, darting here, there and everywhere, and with such delight that is uninterested in what anyone might think. Raven was, however, paranoid about being “found out” to have an attachment to the fox. What will people think of this unusual relationship she’s discovered? There is great friction in this for her. This goes against her head knowledge and understanding of human connection to wildlife. Wild animals don’t have specific personalities and should never be tamed by people, apparently. Yet, going against what she thinks she knows to be true, the fox visits Raven each afternoon at 4.15pm- there can be no denying this. During this process of interacting, and playing games with the fox, she ventures on a journey of self-discovery. She realises how bound she has become to her education, how incorrect so many things she learnt were, how hindered and caged she has been by her head knowledge. Instead she finds joy, delight and belonging in the company of a fox.
In reference to her education after receiving her doctorate she wrote….
“At that point, I had almost become what Saint-Ex calls “petit bourgeois” referring not to shortage of cash but of creativity. Instead of choosing my own path, I stepped into a mold that society had designed for me. Fortunately, I stepped back before the clay hardened. If I hadn’t, there would be no going back, because petit bourgeois, according to Saint-Ex, is a permanent affliction. Once you’ve succumbed to it, “nothing within you will ever awaken the sleeping musician, the poet, the astronomer.”
Raven ultimately came to a crossroads between being bound by the hindrances brought about by social expectations, and finding freedom in nature. In spiritual terms she was bound by law- always striving to meet expectations and desperately trying to fit in- and in the fox she discovered freedom, grace and an acceptance she had never known before. A quote from the book says “Turning his head between the two destinations, [the fox] considered his options. Who doesn’t have the same dilemma every day? Fox and I were always balancing duty and freedom.” She describes the balancing act we all face. Whether or not she realises it she discovered grace in nature, she discovered something of the character of our boundless God who desires nothing more than to delight in His creation, especially His children. She also experienced a touch of Eden through interacting with the fox. Prior to the fall all of creation lived in complete harmony- people, wildlife and nature. At the fall everything was thrown so desperately into disarray that we now live in a broken world that has brokenness in every sphere of creation, not just amongst people. Yet, God continually reveals Himself in and through His creation- He reveals His beauty, His grace, His never ending kindness, His boundless love that is not hindered by the things that hinder us as people. We are naturally legalists- always wanting to box people in, make sense of everything, place rules upon everything, always. But God through Christ has given us freedom, true freedom, to be released from the constraints and the cages created to keep our wings from flapping freely.
“Graduate school training had led me to believe that understanding animals required gathering facts and creating objective and quantifiable data. Nothing more. I lost my imagination and ignored the importance of my intuition. I thought it made me more professional. It didn’t… lack of imagination is not a career choice; it’s a personality crisis.” This personality crisis was brought to a close as she learned to love and value a scruffy red fox and allowed her head knowledge to evaporate as she embraced a childlikeness, something valuable in the sight of God.
Raven discovered freedom in the relationship with the fox, and I hope one day she has the opportunity to see God face to face and know that He is the One who saw her need, and gave her a fox to reveal to her a glimpse of His love and grace. This book captured my mind and with a full heart I finished it. A heart of gratitude for a loving God that sees every need, comes down and meets us wherever we are at, and gazes upon us with such joy and delight as he calls us by one name: Beloved.
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